Anosmic life

" Lots of congenital anosmics say they don’t even realize they have no sense of smell until their teens."

"As young children they can’t understand the concept of smell but do not wish to appear different to their peers, so they learn the appropriate reactions to good or bad smells from other people’s cues."

"Losing this sense affects the mood and may cause depression. It could make you feel sad or depress, because the smells of food, flowers and other things are party of a happy life"

When I was younger I was really bad for eating..and people were always bothering me about it.. Maybe that's the reason.

Also I am very sad and depressed person.. is it because the anosmia?

Is that the reason why I am always so sad?

I always feel I smell bad.. even if I just toke a shower.. I remember once I went to friend's house and I was a bit sweaty because of the walk..and then she tells me.. "uhm.. you smell good!" and I was.. wtf? I am sweaty.. should not I smell bad?. I was so confused, because for me, sweat means bad smell..

It also makes me feel insecure. Because sometimes I feel I may smell bad but.. there is no way to know it.

I am sleepy, will continue next time.

Cya~

Hello past

2:45 am. I can not sleep and I am watching a movie I barely understand..
A girl from my past came into my life again.
She.. was very important.. not sure if good important or bad important, but
very important.
I've been thinking about her too much lately..not sure if it good or bad.
I know when it is about her.. my mind messes up.
We did not talk in very long time.. I sent her an email several months ago,
but I did not get a reply. Then again I sent her an email for christmas.
Was not expecting her to reply. But she did..now I can not stop thinking about her,
about past..
I was getting used to peace..but with her around..things change.. but like I said
before.. things change...things always change.

Let's see what happen.

By the way, the movie was Babel.

My life with anosmia

So far, talked a lot about the "Mess" part on my blog... should also talk about the "Anosmic" part too.

What Anosmia is? little definition is: the lack of sense of smell.

It is more than just that.. it's a whole universe..that I can not feel.
Most you won't believe me but, I kinda found out only when I was around 14 years old.
I think, since I was born like this...it was "normal" for me to not being able to smell..so never wondered about it. When I first time tell people about it (by the way, I don't often tell this, since I don't
usually tell things about myself), for some reason..they all always ask the same question. "REALLY?!"
and then they all ask "how do you eat?". Always so funny hear that question..

Well.. this is how my world is, different.

Trying to say good bye

sometimes I miss you so bad..

sometimes I wishes it was like it used to be..

I try not to think of that too much..Thinking about it  makes it harder. It is better if I just..don't think at all.

It is better if I just..live. Not thinking too much.. Not worrying about things... just living.

I was starting to believe.. have faith that..love was real, because after show you who really I was..

You were still there...!!

And I tried to push you away..seriously tried..telling you my secrets..things I was shame about..and you would not leave.. I could not understand it! You were suppose to leave me.. like everyone always did.

There is so much to say..so many feelings..and no one around to trust.. no one will listen.. I am alone..just like I wanted..

Love you L.

Bye.

bad things happen

Been a long time since last wrote in here.
A week ago, something bad happened. Dad had a heart attack.
My phone ring, it was my mom..crying really bad. I was so scared.. I could tell something
bad happened..but she was crying so much that I could barely understand her word..
Then I understood.. "Tu  papá no está bien". Of course like anyone I thought the worst.
Then she explained.

He was really bad.. I had the chance to read what the report said. It was exactly like what you
see in discovery channel when there are medical emergencies.
I went where mom was, and stayed with her.. My mom is one of the strongest person I ever met,
and yet, she was so not ok..shaking.. and there was nothing I could do or say..but be there.

Things change, things always change.

the island

has any of you ever felt that really should be alone..?
not being emo or something... being serious.

I meet someone.. a really special girl.. she was perfect. She wasn't that pretty..but I still liked her a lot. She wasn't a girl with damn hot body..but I was crazy about her. She was perfect just for one reason... She would accept me right for what I am. Good and bad things. Good and bad moments. Even after tell her all those things I am shame about... She was perfect and I hurt her.. There must be something really wrong with me.

Now I am all sad and lonely, because she isn't here anymore..but mostly because.. I want.
People should pay for what they do..and that's what I am doing..paying for my mistake.
Will be paying for it for a really long time.. Will be alone and sad for a long time, but... it's ok I guess.. It is what I deserve and want.


I am staying on this island for a long time...a long long time.

--

one more second..

I quit so easily on things.. hate that... you can notice it by just watching at how often I post here -___-

I wishes I was like those people that say they are going to do something..and they do it!

Just hold one more second.. It will worth it.

Hey.

regular week.

have a nice day!

Big Problem

a secret about me..? I do not trust anyone..really there is no one I trust even a little bit. Why? because.. In the minute you trust someone.. you will get hurt. So in order to stay safe... Trust no one.. It's easy.. just don't care about others.. Push them away... Stay lonely.. then you will be safe. We will be ok..

party time

z__z I have only slept 4 hours in 2 days.. Yesterday had a great party e.e at school. with mates and teachers..there were like 100 people, food, alcohol.. I had a great time.. I stayed at friends place. We arrived at 3am. I fell asleep at 4am.....and at 8am I was awake xD I needed to do class at 9am to 12 years old kids e___e For 3 hours (9-12am) I was soooooo sleepy xd could barely keep my eyes open and focus on teaching (robotic class by the way).. and then I got home and.. xD I could not sleep, so...been awake since then :D Zzz. No matter what, it was a great day :3

regular day

Had a big surprise... I had a bad grade on my English test...ME?! a bad grade on English test?! wtf..it never happened before -____-! not that important because I got a great grade on my oral test e.e so it's ok, it was almost perfect! ALMOST, thanks world. I had fun playing super smash bros. with friends, really good game! (3 hours away) all of you! watch the film "the woman" :D good night!

annoying

Yesterday I told all of you how I forgot going to my exam.. I already had an excuse/lie to tell teacher and everything. Today I found out the test wasn't yesterday -_______- It was today.. God! I was so mad yesterday over nothing! just because one of my great skill...being lost on time!! not just hours..also days! or even years -3- Today I also had a really bad time with this guy who I barely know.. I don't mind people I know make fun of me.. since it is still fun.. even I laugh..but if someone who I barely know makes fun of me..that's something completely different.. Who he thinks he is -____-

keep the blog alive

I kind of forgot I had to write on this blog... but all been so busy u___u school and social life. PEOPLE SUCKS!... that's what I think.. I am not an emo teen or something...but people really sucks! Why would anyone trust someone else..when you know they will disappoint you. Still think same way.. I am better off myself. Today I had english test at 7:45pm... I remembered it at 7:43pm.. Fuck. I will have to make an excuse why I didn't take it..and hopefully teacher will let me take the make-up test. HOPEFULLY!!! There is something curious about me.. I always help people. And that's something I fucking hate! Why? well..because at the end they won't even care what I did and will just use me. AND I KEEP HELPING! what the hell it's wrong with me?? I have no idea.. I was born a good person...but I rather being bad person -.- in this world..it is better to be bad than good. So I am bad..well, the other person inside me is bad.. won't mind making fun of fat people, people in wheel chair, etc..just for fun :D, nah, maybe it is not in a bad way.. but I do make fun of them xD. Friends tell me I will burn in hell e.e and I answer.. I know :D!! I also.. enjoy making others hate me. Why? xD who in this world likes being hated?? e___e specially people I meet for the first time. Probably that's why ex-gfs always leave me XD I am too annoying and unlovable? ..must be that xD like I said... I am a mess. Ok, enough writing for today..Will try to write often.. REMEMBER!! WRITE OFTEN!!! keep this blog alive. Anosmic joke...what does an apple smalls like?? it smells like new book :D or a poop or a dirty shoe...or ANYTHING!! I SMELL NOTHING!!.equals(everything smells the same) = TRUE.

what..?

what the hell am I doing here..? really don't know what I am doing here, why I am doing this.. I just feel there is so much to tell inside me, and talking to myself isn't enough (I talk to myself a lot). What's on my mind now? I am a little poor bastard.. feel sad and lonely..but.. weird thing.. I do wanna feel that way.. why? because I hurt someone and I feel like I have to pay for my mistake..how? the only way I know, being sad and lonely. For some reason I feel better this way, I liked having someone with me, supporting me, loving me maybe, but it wasn't for me...having someone...it's not my thing. I am better off myself.. also..being around me it's huge mistake.. I end up hurting people. Sometimes I even do it on purpose..because that's what I do... push people away. probably no one will read this words..but writing them feels good. Cya~