what..?

what the hell am I doing here..? really don't know what I am doing here, why I am doing this.. I just feel there is so much to tell inside me, and talking to myself isn't enough (I talk to myself a lot). What's on my mind now? I am a little poor bastard.. feel sad and lonely..but.. weird thing.. I do wanna feel that way.. why? because I hurt someone and I feel like I have to pay for my mistake..how? the only way I know, being sad and lonely. For some reason I feel better this way, I liked having someone with me, supporting me, loving me maybe, but it wasn't for me...having someone...it's not my thing. I am better off myself.. also..being around me it's huge mistake.. I end up hurting people. Sometimes I even do it on purpose..because that's what I do... push people away. probably no one will read this words..but writing them feels good. Cya~