Anosmic life

" Lots of congenital anosmics say they don’t even realize they have no sense of smell until their teens."

"As young children they can’t understand the concept of smell but do not wish to appear different to their peers, so they learn the appropriate reactions to good or bad smells from other people’s cues."

"Losing this sense affects the mood and may cause depression. It could make you feel sad or depress, because the smells of food, flowers and other things are party of a happy life"

When I was younger I was really bad for eating..and people were always bothering me about it.. Maybe that's the reason.

Also I am very sad and depressed person.. is it because the anosmia?

Is that the reason why I am always so sad?

I always feel I smell bad.. even if I just toke a shower.. I remember once I went to friend's house and I was a bit sweaty because of the walk..and then she tells me.. "uhm.. you smell good!" and I was.. wtf? I am sweaty.. should not I smell bad?. I was so confused, because for me, sweat means bad smell..

It also makes me feel insecure. Because sometimes I feel I may smell bad but.. there is no way to know it.

I am sleepy, will continue next time.

Cya~

Hello past

2:45 am. I can not sleep and I am watching a movie I barely understand..
A girl from my past came into my life again.
She.. was very important.. not sure if good important or bad important, but
very important.
I've been thinking about her too much lately..not sure if it good or bad.
I know when it is about her.. my mind messes up.
We did not talk in very long time.. I sent her an email several months ago,
but I did not get a reply. Then again I sent her an email for christmas.
Was not expecting her to reply. But she did..now I can not stop thinking about her,
about past..
I was getting used to peace..but with her around..things change.. but like I said
before.. things change...things always change.

Let's see what happen.

By the way, the movie was Babel.

My life with anosmia

So far, talked a lot about the "Mess" part on my blog... should also talk about the "Anosmic" part too.

What Anosmia is? little definition is: the lack of sense of smell.

It is more than just that.. it's a whole universe..that I can not feel.
Most you won't believe me but, I kinda found out only when I was around 14 years old.
I think, since I was born like this...it was "normal" for me to not being able to smell..so never wondered about it. When I first time tell people about it (by the way, I don't often tell this, since I don't
usually tell things about myself), for some reason..they all always ask the same question. "REALLY?!"
and then they all ask "how do you eat?". Always so funny hear that question..

Well.. this is how my world is, different.

Trying to say good bye

sometimes I miss you so bad..

sometimes I wishes it was like it used to be..

I try not to think of that too much..Thinking about it  makes it harder. It is better if I just..don't think at all.

It is better if I just..live. Not thinking too much.. Not worrying about things... just living.

I was starting to believe.. have faith that..love was real, because after show you who really I was..

You were still there...!!

And I tried to push you away..seriously tried..telling you my secrets..things I was shame about..and you would not leave.. I could not understand it! You were suppose to leave me.. like everyone always did.

There is so much to say..so many feelings..and no one around to trust.. no one will listen.. I am alone..just like I wanted..

Love you L.

Bye.

bad things happen

Been a long time since last wrote in here.
A week ago, something bad happened. Dad had a heart attack.
My phone ring, it was my mom..crying really bad. I was so scared.. I could tell something
bad happened..but she was crying so much that I could barely understand her word..
Then I understood.. "Tu  papá no está bien". Of course like anyone I thought the worst.
Then she explained.

He was really bad.. I had the chance to read what the report said. It was exactly like what you
see in discovery channel when there are medical emergencies.
I went where mom was, and stayed with her.. My mom is one of the strongest person I ever met,
and yet, she was so not ok..shaking.. and there was nothing I could do or say..but be there.