Life sure is complicated

How to know what is the right thing to do?! Drives me crazy think of all the possibilities (that I could think of) and none of those is the right one.. @__@ I think 1 to 99999 possibilities.. friend thinks of 100000 to 99999999.. and still no one is right, if there is a multi-verse and it is one for every different choice there is to make.. then HELL!! so many multi-verses..

new_MultiVerse(howManyPossibilities as number)
i as number
for i = 0 to howManyPossibilities then
newUniverse as Multiverse(newAndDifferentLife)
loop
end

Life sure is complicated.

Old books smell

Friend says old book's smell is one of the best smells ever, he can't really explain why, but it is.
For me it's like a ghost, something I have never seems, and maybe never will, something different, from another dimension.
A smells that tells a story of hundred of years, maybe thousand of years.

Anosmic world

-son, do you smell the eggs?! they stink!
-it smells good for me Mom, smells like... a just born baby, like a new book, like wet grass.. I CAN NOT SMELL MOM!!
- oh, right.

She always forgets about it.

Imagine a world were everything smells the same. Smells like nothing. A sweating feet smeels same as a lemon pie, or a fart, etc

do people really change?

I feel like I can't change.. can force it..and seems like different..but maybe I can not change.

private static void Me{

   do{

      nothing;

   }while(true);

}

Anosmia and food

I like food.. a lot!.. but only like the food that "looks" yummy. Since I can't smell I can't know if it is good or not..so I judge with my eyes, it's been like this since ever, that's why when I was little I was not good for eating. Also the texture of food means a lot to me, so if I don't like the texture, how it feels in my mouth, I will probably not to like it. But Something that I like to believe is that opposite to "NORMAL" people, I can feel the real taste of food, since I don't mix it with the smell.
Am I right? I read everywhere that the real flavor of food is:

begin
Taste foodTaste;
Smell foodSmell;
Flavor foodFlavor;
TASTE + SMELL = FLAVOR;
End;

but in my case..there is no value for smell, so:

begin
Taste foodTaste;
Smell foodSmell = null;
Flavor foodFlavor;
TASTE + SMELL = FLAVOR;
End;

Means.. TASTE = FLAVOR;. Ergo, ipso facto, columbo, oreo.. The flavor I feel is the real taste of the food.

But I found this interesting picture too.. will never know if I am right.

In Memoriam A. H. H. 27

I envy not in any moods
The captive void of noble rage,
The linnet born within the cage,
That never knew the summer woods:


I envy not the beast that takes
His license in the field of time,
Unfetter'd by the sense of crime,
To whom a conscience never wakes;


Nor, what may count itself as blest,
The heart that never plighted troth
But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
Nor any want-begotten rest.


I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Anosmia

I told to friend I was anosmic (was pretty sure that already told her but seems I didn't) and she could not believe me, so I explained with the best example I have for this situations, "when I was a kid, my brother would come into my room and fart in my face and I would not smell anything", and then she understood perfectly. She said he was mean but.. since I couldn't really smell it, I don't think it really matters, right?? Maybe I would walk all day with fart smell in my face, without even notice!

She told me that was sad that I could not smell the food, because it was an amazing smell. Out there is a whole universe I am missing and I am a bit curious about. Not jealous or anything, I was born like this, so I do not "miss" it. but I do am curious.. like.. "what would it be?".

Not to regret

someday I want to look back and not to regret about anything I have done..
Right now I feel bad about many bad things I have done.. but maybe..
I needed them to happen.. Who knows.

Feeling sad again

over thinking about things really make me sad.. have to stop doing this.
Still working on leave past behind..it is hard.. but I think I am doing good.

I will be sad a bit longer.. but I think I will be ok.. I hope I will be ok.

Back to life

I was out, on vacations for 2 weeks.. I had lots of fun.. Rested enough.. I should be back with new energies.. but when I got home.. I felt like I was just back to exactly where I was.. Felt nothing changed... I really hope it won't be the way I feel.. Really want things to change and hope they will actually change.
I feel a bit more mature.. I see some things in a different way now.. some are still the same. But it's ok.. evolution takes time.. that's what I am doing.. evolving.

Learning to let go

Like I said before in one of my post.. things change, things always change..
Things have to change.. I mean.. Things can't be the same forever, right?
It is ok to leave past in the past..but not forget it..we never have to forget our past,
where we come from..things we have learned, people we met, etc.

If things go back to like they used to be would be nice but.. yeah, things have to
change. We need to grow up, learn new things, live new experiences, etc.
That's what life is, right?
Being honest.. I didn't want things to change in case she suddenly wants to back
together but.. let's be realistic. That's never going to happen. And it is fine.. That is how
life is.. good things happen, then bad things happen.. we just need to learn to let things
go..like a little green jedi once said "train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose."
not just things.. also people, moments, feelings.. We need to learn to love the right way.
Not love feeling like the person belongs to you.. That's not what real love is... wanting the best
for them, not what you want from them.. Real love is.. letting go.

It is time to move on. Will never forget about her, but it is time to let go of those feelings.. those
memories.. and live. All these days..since she left.. I was sad.. just living for living..
Was like a robot who do things that suppose to do because they were suppose  to be
done.. but now it is time to live and.. see how the story ends. Maybe it will be a happy ending,
maybe it will be a sad ending.. whatever it suppose to be.. we need to find out.

I felt betrayed.. I felt sad.. I felt bad.. but I guess... That is just part of life, right? And we all
have to live those things. Good moments.. Bad moments.. Smile..Cry.. A mix of different feelings.

Life with Anosmia part 2

My family and I spent new year at grandma's house.. It was really nice have such new year party. I had a great time.. She lives in a city 2 hours far from my city.. we left around 8pm and we got there at 10:20PM, just to make the barbecue. It is kind of tradition that us, the kids, make the food. It was really tasty! Anyways..we ate, the watched the fireworks for almost 30 minutes, it was really long. I made my own little weird tradition, every new year, at midnight I spend it without shoes, naked feet. Anyways.. next day morning we had breakfast all together and I had the idea of make french toast. Some minutes later everyone goes all crazy saying it smells like smoke! and I was like... "really? maybe..maybe...NOO!!! my french toast!" I could not notice my french toast were burning. Everyone could smell it, even the little girls.. but I was like "damn."

I guess it is a very important sense.

------Something that happened to me today.

I am not afraid of many things..but dentist... I am a little girl when it comes to the dentist. I had pain in my mouth for 2 days and today I went to the dentist.. he had to take off one of my tooth, but the problem is that, the anesthesia kind of doesn't work on me. He needed to use a lot on me so it could work a little bit. It still hurts a lot when tried to take it off.. That's one of the reasons why I don't like going to the dentist.. it hurts too much.

I am feeling pain now.. I should go rest.